Bye bye baby

My littlest little, Teagan the 19 month old, starts “preschool” this week.  And I am le sad.

I know that she’ll have fun; she loves people and songs and books and playtimes.  And the school–the toddler counterpart to my son’s Montessori preschool–couldn’t be better.  I know that she’ll learn lots and make friends.  I know that on the days that I don’t work at the library, I’ll be able to write and hopefully cut out the number of nights I work in Starbucks until midnight, freezing and yawning and listening to off-key homeless banjo playing.

I know she won’t resent me for having two jobs, for working to further my career, for choosing a safe place for her to explore learning and new faces.

I know this is the next stage for our family.

I know all babies grow up, even dimple-cheeked, feisty blond ones.

But she is my last baby, and leaving behind this last year and a half spent nursing/cuddling/crawling/playing is harder than I thought it would be.  Don’t get me wrong — I don’t want another baby.  It’s just that I want more time with this baby.  This blue-eyed, squishy, noisy, climby baby that wraps her arms around my neck like a koala bear whenever I pick her up.  This baby that says “mom-EEEE” like a mantra and mine and no and whoa as many times as she can breathe.
I wonder if she’ll miss me with half the intensity that I’ll miss her?

8 Responses to “Bye bye baby”

  • Gennifer Albin Says:

    She will and then you will both gradually slip into your new routines and it will be awesome. You’ll both be happy and enjoy your time together (plus, she’ll be sick – and therefore cuddly – like every other week)

    • Bethany Hagen Says:

      I know. I know if LoveSponge Syd can survive being at school, then Teags definitely will. And I know I’ll love having my non-library days free to work and write. But I’ll miss my koala hugs all day long! You’ll have to meet me for lots of writing dates to distract me.

  • Laura Barnes Says:

    Ugh! Heartbreak! I can’t bear the idea of my baby growing up. My toddler is 2 1/2 and doesn’t start preschool until August, but I am both dreading it and looking forward to it equally. Congrats to you and Teagan and good luck with the heartbreak.

  • Melissa Brady King Says:

    Awwwww. I know how you feel–my youngest started this year too. But it’s so cute to see her in a social environment making friends and talking to adults who aren’t relatives. You’ll realize she’s actually a PERSON and you’re doing a good job raising her. No, a FABULOUS job!:)

    • Bethany Hagen Says:

      You’re right, plus I know that she will super love it. She’s Miss Social in Sunday School and loves going.

      It’s weird that I didn’t have this issue at all with my oldest–I think because he was three and I still had my baby at home. But now she isn’t much of a baby anymore AND she’ll be gone. Wah.

  • Rachel Says:

    Although I’m not a mom, I think we can all relate to this. (Okay, I lied. I love/d going to school and used to beg my mom when I was younger to let me go to school when I was sick!) My mom stayed home until I was 5 and went to full time kindergarten (during pre-k, I think she too was sad I wasn’t home to play with), however I was shy until probably high school. She cried when I went to summer camp for the first time (8 hours away, and I didn’t know anyone there) when I was 10 years old. Then she cried when I went to college. I don’t think the missing-your-kid-syndrome when they are off at school or camp ever goes away.
    However I also think that school is important. (Without it I’m pretty sure I’d STILL be playing “Oooh a murdered body in our hotel, let’s solve the case Watson!” in my house. Yeah, I was a little weird as a kid!) Even I would think homeschooling, especially with other homeschooled children, is an important step in learning to socialize. However, I also think pushing kids into school when they’re not ready is something to be acknowledged. I’m glad you think YOU’RE not ready over Teagen (whose name, btw, I loooooove! A lot!). :-)

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